Why We Do Stupid Things For Love

 

Falling in love is wonderful, but it also makes us do the kind of things that would make our logical brain facepalm. 

Suddenly, smart, rational people think it's perfectly fine to text someone at 2 a.m., spend hours overthinking about a reply, or spend their entire paycheck for overpriced gifts just to impress. Love makes us a little stupid, and honestly, kinda hilarious when you look back at those moments.

In this post, we'll uncover the psychology of love and why we do stupid things for love.

The Science of Love

Have you ever heard someone say things like, “I have butterflies in my stomach” or “I’m falling head over heels”? Yep, those are classic signs that your brain is telling you—you’re in love. Studies have shown that being in love activates the same areas of the brain linked to obsession, addiction, and reward, particularly the Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA).

Let's take a look at how hormones play a role in all this craziness.

Dopamine

When you're in love, your brain releases more dopamine. The hormone that is linked to motivation, pleasure, and reward. That's why thinking about or seeing your crush gives you the "high" and that excitement. The high is equivalent to winning a lottery or getting a promotion at work. 

Just like drugs, dopamine can make love feel like an addiction. By replaying the same scenes over and over, the more you reinforce behaviors that push you to think about them constantly. That's the reason a simple smile emoji or birthday wish can feel extra special.

Having a crush is addictive because it's so unpredictable. If you have ever been in love, you know what I am talking about. You start creating stories in your head like, “Why hasn’t she texted me back yet? Did I say something wrong?” That uncertainty triggers a surge of dopamine that keeps you hooked.

It's more like gambling but without the side effects of going broke. Slot machines keep people engaged because the win doesn't come every time, and the unpredictability is what makes the reward even sweeter. Love works under the same principle. When your crush finally texts back or shows slight affection, the emotional payoff feels worthwhile. The next thing you know, you are craving more of it.

Serotonin

Studies show that when we fall in love, our serotonin levels drop—the very hormone that helps regulate mood and control obsessive thoughts. This is also why people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tend to have lower serotonin levels too. 

In early stages of infatuation, the dip in serotonin is what makes your crush live rent-free in your head, even when you're trying to focus on something more important. This also explains why love feels like a beautiful obsession. You daydream about them, check your phone constantly for their reply, and crave their attention.

This makes our emotions swing wildly. Extreme happiness when things go well, despair and sadness when things go wrong.

To put it simply, serotonin is the reason love doesn't just make you feel good; it consumes your thoughts as well.

Oxytocin

Oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," is often linked to intimacy, trust, and long-term relationships. It's released during moments of physical closeness like touching, kissing, or having sex. 

A study found out that couples in the early stages of romantic relationship have significantly higher levels of serotonin compared to their single counterparts.

Oxytocin explains why love can feel secure and comfortable. It lowers stress, anxiety and induces feelings of security and peacefulness. That’s why something as simple as holding your partner’s hand during a tough time can instantly make you feel calmer.

How Romance Clouds Our Judgement?

When chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin flood our brain, they also cloud our rational mind too. Suddenly, you are not thinking with logic; you are thinking with butterflies (or are you even thinking at that point?). That’s why clear red flags—like when they never initiate conversations, give you short replies, or only text when they need something—often get swept under the rug.

From an evolutionary perspective, this "love smoke" kinda makes sense. Humans are wired to prioritize bonds and procreation over rationality. Think about it for a second. If our past ancestors paused to analyze every mate's flaws, humans might not have made it this far. Instead, nature designed us to overlook imperfections long enough to form strong pair bonds, reproduce, and ensure the survival of the next generation.

That's why the most rational person on earth can do irrational things for love. Your brain temporarily puts logic in the backseat to make sure connection and physical intimacy take center stage.

So next time you find yourself ignoring red flags, remember it's not poor decision-making; it's millions of years of human evolution driving you toward romantic love.

Love Is Blind

When you are in love, your brain sees your crush or partner through rose-colored glasses. The scientist called it the "halo effect," a tendency to let a positive trait of a person overwrite their flaws. When someone looks physically attractive, it's easy to assume they are also smart and kind as well. This is why we choose the wrong person to fall in love with or get stuck in a miserable relationship.

Love doesn't just make us more forgiving; it also amplifies the effect of confirmation bias. We start searching for evidence that confirms our beliefs while ignoring the ones that contradict them. Did your partner ignore you for no reason? Your brain might shrug it off as a “not-a-big-deal thing,” because admitting the behavior would clash with your idea of them as perfect. 

This bias isn't a totally bad thing. In fact, it helps couples create meaningful bonds, build trust, and give relationships the momentum they need in the early stages. The trick is to acknowledge them as early as possible so you can save yourself from heartbreak later down the line.

The Illusion of "The One"

Modern culture plays a huge role in shaping the idea of “the one.” From Disney movies to romance dramas to pop songs, we’ve been fed the same storyline since we were kids: somewhere out there is a perfect person who is destined for you, will magically understand you, and will complete your life. Hollywood loves the soulmate narrative because it’s emotionally satisfying and easy to package. These stories might be wonderful and fun, but they also subconsciously tells us that love is something we find, not something we build

Beyond entertainment, the idea of “the one” is comforting in today's modern world. Life is full of uncertainty—careers change, people move, friendships fade—but believing that love has a prewritten script gives us a sense of stability. If there’s only one perfect partner out there, then choosing becomes easier and the fear of making the “wrong decision” disappears. It’s emotionally comforting to think the universe has already sorted out your love life for you. This belief gives people hope, reassurance, and something magical to hold onto.

Believing that someone is “the one” can make us overlook reality in ways that aren’t healthy. When you’re convinced a person is your soulmate, you’re far more likely to excuse behaviors that clearly don’t sit right with you. Red flags suddenly look like “quirks,” and poor communication gets rebranded as “they’re just busy.” You start forcing the relationship to fit the fantasy instead of honestly evaluating whether you’re actually compatible. This mindset can trap you in relationships that drain you.

The belief in “the one” also puts unrealistic expectations on relationships. If you think someone is your perfect match, you might expect them to intuitively understand your needs, always agree with you, and never hurt your feelings. But real relationships require effort, compromise, and understanding. When problems inevitably appear, you might think something is “wrong” rather than seeing it as a normal part of building a healthy bond. This creates disappointment, anxiety, and emotional burnout.

In the end, the idea of "the one" limits your choices and hinders you from seeing true connections are made, not magically destined.

Conclusion

Falling in love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a straight-up emotional rollercoaster for your brain. Love nudges us into seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. That’s why we sometimes make decisions that, looking back, seem completely crazy.

Understanding the science behind it allows us to make smarter decisions while still enjoying the thrill of love.

How to Let Things Happen

Ever want to get more done by doing less? Well, it is very possible if you have mastered the concept of Wu Wei (无为). This is one of the most fascinating ideas of Taoism that makes you pause when things are messy. People call it “effortless action,” but it isn't what you might think at first glance.

In this post, I’ll share the Taoist Principle of Wu Wei (effortless action) and how to let things happen. Maybe you are in a tough social situation or just feeling mentally tired all the time. Either way, you might pick up a trick or two on how to master the art of not doing.

What is Wu Wei?

Wu Wei (无为) is often misunderstood and translated as "non-doing." At first, this idea might sound strange, like, "How can you act without effort?"

Wu Wei is about effortless action, a way of living where your actions align with the natural rhythm of life so that they feel like flowing instead of forcing. In other words, Wu Wei is more like moving through life without feeling like you’re pushing a boulder uphill.

Wu Wei tells us to let go of unnecessary struggle and focus on the things that matter. Think about the times you forced something to happen. Maybe getting someone to like you or stressing over things that weren’t really your business, only to end up drained and frustrated with yourself. 

Then compare that to moments when you felt in flow, when everything just seemed to click. That’s Wu Wei in action. It's when your mind, body and environment move as one, and what you do feels natural rather than forceful.

What is Tao?

Tao (道) is the ultimate, natural way of the universe—unnameable, eternal, and the source of all things.

As Lao Tzu (老子) wrote in the Tao Te Ching (道德经), 'The Tao never does anything, yet through it all things are done.' It is a powerful quote that teaches that living in harmony with Tao means embracing Wu Wei (effortless action): acting without force, flowing naturally, and aligning with life’s rhythms.

Lao Tzu wrote that the thing closest to Tao is water, and it makes perfect sense. Water never fights, yet it creates mountains, carves valleys, and sustains all life. It's powerful, humble, and oftentimes invisible, but its influence cannot be denied.

Water can penetrate any container, change form if needed, and navigate around an obstruction—all easily—yet always arrive. That is the precise manner in which Tao functions: easily, without resistance, quietly sustaining all life without showing preference for one life over another.

Steps to Practicing Effortless Action

1. Begin Your Day in Silence

Most of us wake up and immediately reach for our phones, check emails, and start planning the day. No wonder we feel stressed before we even get out of bed.

In Taoist thought, the way you begin your day shapes the way you begin your life. Each morning offers a chance to return to yourself before the world gets noisy. One of the simplest and most powerful ways to start is by doing nothing—just sitting, breathing, and staring at the wall.

Give yourself five minutes of silence each morning, a time to simply exist and remember what it feels like to be fully present.

2. Act Without Struggle

Effortless action is all about not forcing things and accepting what's natural.  For example, instead of arguing over small mistakes at work, you calmly find a solution. Or when stuck in traffic, rather than getting frustrated, you accept the situation and focus on listening to music or a podcast. Or in personal relationships, you let conversations flow instead of trying to control them.

Acting without struggle doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means taking action that feels natural, calm, and aligned with the moment.

3. Focus On What You Can Control

Next, Wu Wei is about focusing only on what you can control. So much of our stress comes from forming opinions on things that don’t actually concern us — like who wins an election, the tragic stories on the news, the weather, or the past.

Instead, shift your attention to what’s truly in your hands: your response, your plans, and your attitude. For example, if a friend cancels plans at the last minute, you can’t change their decision. But you can choose how to respond — with anger, or with understanding—by telling yourself, ‘Maybe they’re dealing with an emergency.’

That's essentially the principle of Wu Wei, flowing with what you can control and letting go of the rest.

4. Let Things Happen

Letting things happen means stopping the constant urge to control and push things in a certain direction. It is allowing events to unfold naturally, without judgment or forced action. This isn’t about sitting idle or avoiding responsibility; it is about finding the balance of doing and not doing, both at the same time.

Oftentimes, when I do not let fear or panic take over and simply let things happen, the outcome turns out to be better than expected.

5. Be Humble

Humility, as Lao Tzu said, is not weakness but protection. By being humble, you avoid drawing unnecessary envy or attention, which helps prevent trouble. When you do not flaunt or try to outperform others, you naturally shield yourself from harm and conflict. In this way, humility becomes the ultimate path to walk through life with the least resistance.

A humble yet strong person does not waste energy proving their worth to others. Instead, they move like water—soft on the surface, seemingly weak, yet carrying immense power within.

6. Let Go of Identities

One of the lessons of Taoism is to not get too attached to our own identity. We often cling to labels we actively pursue, such as being successful, smart, or wealthy. But these identities create constant pressure to live up to them, dragging us away from the natural flow of life.

For example, if someone defines themselves only as a “career achiever,” a single layoff at work can feel like a complete personal collapse. Taoism teaches us to loosen our grip on such identities so we can see ourselves as more than our job—perhaps as a friend, a learner, or simply an imperfect human navigating through the world.

When we release these fixed identities, we stop forcing ourselves into narrow roles. We gain the freedom to grow and embrace change more easily.

Why Wu Wei Feels Wrong in the Modern World?

In today’s hustle culture, Wu Wei can feel defiant—like the weird kid no one wants to be friends with. We grew up thinking that if you’re not grinding 24/7, you’re falling behind. 

It is a totally different way of living our lives from the ways that society tells us. 

What makes Wu Wei so unsettling is that it flips the control-freak switch off. Everyone is singing the praises of constant grinding, micromanaging, and defining 'what is life' every second. On the contrary, Wu Wei tells us to trust timing and flow. A total shift that feels like a total mindfuck in a world built on certainty.

Moreover, Wu Wei doesn’t sound impressive at all, and it certainly isn’t showing up in motivational speeches or #hustleharder posts. Resting, pausing, or moving with intention isn’t flashy, but that’s where its strength lies. It doesn’t turn down ambition. It redefines it as aligned, effortless action.

In A Nutshell

At its core, Wu Wei is about dropping the tug-of-war with life and letting your actions arise naturally. It’s not about quitting or doing nothing; it’s about moving with the current instead of against it, whether you’re tackling a project, heading to the gym, or just trying to get through Monday morning traffic. When you learn to work with the flow, effort feels lighter, results come more smoothly, and you stop burning yourself out for no reason.

So the next time you catch yourself forcing every step, take a pause. Chances are, you’ll find a smarter, calmer way forward.